"I am as constant as a Northern star." - Joni Mitchell

"Oh I am a lonely painter

I live in a box of paints

I'm frightened by the devil

And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

I remember that time you told me, you said,

"Love is touching souls"

Well surely you touched mine

'Cause part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time."

- Joni Mitchell from A Case of You

Another long day yesterday working on the "moody" portrait. . .at some point I slipped in a CD by k.d. lang entitled "hymns of the 49th parallel."  The quoted lyrics comes from a moving cut on the CD, A Case of You, by Joni Mitchell. 

. . .Which reminds me that I hijacked my daughter's Joni Mitchell CD (yes Joni has transversed the generations) to keep me company on a trip back from a visit to her home. . .shamefully, I haven't returned it, as I often put it on when driving and feel transported back to the 60's sailing down the road singing for my ears only!  Oh the places Joni's music takes me.  I digress. . .

The particular lyrics quoted from A Case of You always brings tears to my eyes. . .as I stroke the canvas, alone with my paints and still mind, silent but for the soft music, I particularly well up at "'Cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time."  Sigh.  Love lost you're thinking? 

Well, not really. . .not lost, just not found. 

I solidly declare that, as fate would have it, the men in my life have all encouraged my artistic growth; no matter that we are not together for the journey to the end, their presence and constant support is firmly rooted in the depths of my artist heart.  I am forever grateful for the "tough love" many supplied when I needed it most. . .right before an opening when nerves were jangling and doubts were an inch away from melting me into something I could not recognize.  Their eagerness to supply me with less-than-romantic art supplies on meaningful occasions showed how much they understood the depth of my commitment.  Their finesse helped propel me into layer after layer of achievement.  

Yes, it is indeed a solitary life, but look at the richness that has enveloped me, has carried me.  My tears are for those gifts. . .unseen but never forgotten.  "I am as constant as a Northern star."   You know who you are. . .